The Big "D"

Another 1st

2008-07-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy July in the Smith/Zillmer household. It is hard to believe that summer is half way over already. We just got back from chaperoning 36 teens at the Sonshine Music Festival this last weekend. It was a lot of fun but I gotta say it’s good to be home.

One of the things we have done to try and continue to honor our previous (before blended) relationships is that before each one of our kids leaves home for college we find a cheap mini vacation for that parent to take their child on to spend some special one on one time together. This summer it was my year to take my son, Tyler, on our vacation. I am thrilled to report that we had a wonderful time in Cancun. I cannot tell you what a memory it will be for both of us for years to come. We had great Mom/Son time and it was the perfect way to send him off into the world. We had time to laugh, reflect, explore, learn about each other on a more adult level, and I even shed a tear or two, imagine that!. I would definitely recommend this to any one. Remember, it is not about where you go, it is all about who you are with. Make it a special time, a time they will remember forever. You will not regret it!

Along with my many other firsts this year I am busy preparing for one more. Last December I was asked to present my curriculum at an AMFM (Association of Marriage and Family Ministries) conference in Arizona this August. At the time August felt like a hundred years away. Today it feels like tomorrow. Along with not being a “writer”, I am definitely not a “speaker” either. I continue to marvel at God’s sense of humor.

My workshop is geared to share the passion of ministering to these hurting teens and to convince attendees of the need to add this ministry to their church. So if anyone is attending the conference or planning to be in the area (Phoenix Arizona) on August 4th – 8th you should stop in. It is a great organization; you should go to their website and check them out - www.amfmonline.com. You can find The Big D under the Single Parent Family Ministry Team and you can click on the Conference tab to find out more information about the conference itself. If you come, make sure you come to Booth #22 and introduce yourself. I will be sharing about The Big D at workshop #907 on Thursday afternoon. It would be great to meet some of you there!!

Hope to see you in August – check it out!!

Blessings,
Krista

One of Many Firsts...

2008-07-11T04:20:00.000-07:00

Hi, this is my first official blog page. My life has been full of many firsts this year. If someone would have told me 30 years ago I would be a writer I would have thought you were totally crazy. But then my life has taken many different turns than I was expecting as a little girl. My white picket fence took on a different feel and color but we are still a family, maybe different than I thought it would be, but a family still the same.

I was married at the young age of 20. My dreams were all coming true. All I ever wanted as a child was to be a wife and mother. Within 2 years I was the proudest mother of a little (4 pound) sweet baby girl. My little world was moving right along. A couple years later my world was made complete when we had our son, a perfect package. I thought life could not get any better.

By the age of 28 years of trials and struggles had taken its toll. We separated and sadly found ourselves in divorce court in April of 1995. This was undoubtedly the hardest time in my life. My angels were only 5 and 7 at the time. I vowed to myself and God that I would do everything possible to not make their parents mistakes destroy their lives. That promise started me down this journey of discovering healing for both myself and my kids, which in turn wound up being the foundation of “The Big D”.

I remarried in 1999 and I quickly became a step mom to another daughter and son. We have now been married 9 years and have many wounds and scars to prove it. Blending a family is the 2^nd hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It is a lot of hard work, every day. Through time, commitment, and work the scars of divorce and remarriage for all of us have been healed and we continue down this journey not knowing what the next step will be. But knowing 2 things for sure – there will be a next step and God will see us through. He always has.

Our children are now leaving the home, one by one. This has been my latest hardest thing to experience. My two are the oldest in our blended family - Brittany, who is 20 and attends Northwestern Bible College and Tyler who just graduated this month and is also attending Northwestern Bible College in Roseville. Having both of may babies move out is going to be a huge adjustment for me! Then we have my two step children – Ella, who is 17 and graduating next year and Isaac who is 14. My husband, Jon, has always had joint visitation and we have his children every other full week from Friday to Friday. Believe me, life around the Smith/Zillmer home is never a dull moment!!!

It feels weird for me to have my kids raised and moving on. I know some may say I still have 2 at home, but only those in a blended family can really understand that I do but I don’t. They have another mom so my role is limited thus it makes it very different. Through this transition it has given me the opportunity to look back and reflect on the many years of ups and downs, tears and laughter, celebrations and disappointments. It has not always been easy but one thing I know for sure – It has all been worth it! It has been because of the difficult times that the good times remain that much sweeter.

I encourage you to accept the hard times with renewed strength in knowing that there is a greater purpose in every change, every tear, and every struggle. You will be in my shoes one day, sooner than you think, looking back and seeing how all the puzzle pieces were fit together by God’s design plan. Then you, like me, will ask – Why did I worry so much?

A mom is what my identity has been for so long, it is all I ever wanted to be. Now as I move onto a new phase in my life, I guess I am realizing that being a mom is not determined by how much laundry you do a week or how many meals you eat together, it’s just being there for them, for the rest of their lives. As they grow up that may take on a different look now and again but in a lot of ways it will just happen on its own. Because that is the way God has designed us as parents. It’s natural. We are here just to enjoy the ride!

My prayer for you this summer is that you enjoy the time with your family, however that may look. Enjoy the time to build relationships. I promise you it will be time not wasted.

Blessings,
Krista Smith
The Big D

What is "The Big D"?

2008-05-31T20:28:00.001-07:00

“The Big D” was created to promote a teen’s journey in healing, identifying the hurt from divorce, and then challenging them to find the strength to confront, accept and heal from those hurts. Through challenging the denial often associated with a parents divorce, and helping the teen push through anger issues; “The Big D” can help lead teens into the freedom necessary to understand and experience true forgiveness.

“The Big D” is a program designed to encourage and empower teens to deal with their feelings, fears, and emotions while experiencing the divorce or separation of their parents. It is very common for teens to experience a variety of conflicting emotions during this time. Many react with anger, withdrawal, and intense pain; many carrying these unresolved emotions into their own futures. Because of the divorce or separation of their parents, teens find themselves in a hopeless situation that they did not choose. Many teens carry this “hopelessness” into their futures and any unresolved emotions can carry over into their own families one day. That is where “The Big D” comes in.

Whether “The Big D” is experienced in a weekend format or through the 12 week program, a teen will leave transformed and equipped with the God given tools to live a life of hope and the promise of a changed tomorrow.