Hi, this is my first official blog page. My life has been full of many firsts this year. If someone would have told me 30 years ago I would be a writer I would have thought you were totally crazy. But then my life has taken many different turns than I was expecting as a little girl. My white picket fence took on a different feel and color but we are still a family, maybe different than I thought it would be, but a family still the same.
I was married at the young age of 20. My dreams were all coming true. All I ever wanted as a child was to be a wife and mother. Within 2 years I was the proudest mother of a little (4 pound) sweet baby girl. My little world was moving right along. A couple years later my world was made complete when we had our son, a perfect package. I thought life could not get any better.
By the age of 28 years of trials and struggles had taken its toll. We separated and sadly found ourselves in divorce court in April of 1995. This was undoubtedly the hardest time in my life. My angels were only 5 and 7 at the time. I vowed to myself and God that I would do everything possible to not make their parents mistakes destroy their lives. That promise started me down this journey of discovering healing for both myself and my kids, which in turn wound up being the foundation of “The Big D”.
I remarried in 1999 and I quickly became a step mom to another daughter and son. We have now been married 9 years and have many wounds and scars to prove it. Blending a family is the 2nd hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It is a lot of hard work, every day. Through time, commitment, and work the scars of divorce and remarriage for all of us have been healed and we continue down this journey not knowing what the next step will be. But knowing 2 things for sure – there will be a next step and God will see us through. He always has.
Our children are now leaving the home, one by one. This has been my latest hardest thing to experience. My two are the oldest in our blended family - Brittany, who is 20 and attends Northwestern Bible College and Tyler who just graduated this month and is also attending Northwestern Bible College in Roseville. Having both of may babies move out is going to be a huge adjustment for me! Then we have my two step children – Ella, who is 17 and graduating next year and Isaac who is 14. My husband, Jon, has always had joint visitation and we have his children every other full week from Friday to Friday. Believe me, life around the Smith/Zillmer home is never a dull moment!!!
It feels weird for me to have my kids raised and moving on. I know some may say I still have 2 at home, but only those in a blended family can really understand that I do but I don’t. They have another mom so my role is limited thus it makes it very different. Through this transition it has given me the opportunity to look back and reflect on the many years of ups and downs, tears and laughter, celebrations and disappointments. It has not always been easy but one thing I know for sure – It has all been worth it! It has been because of the difficult times that the good times remain that much sweeter.
I encourage you to accept the hard times with renewed strength in knowing that there is a greater purpose in every change, every tear, and every struggle. You will be in my shoes one day, sooner than you think, looking back and seeing how all the puzzle pieces were fit together by God’s design plan. Then you, like me, will ask – Why did I worry so much?
A mom is what my identity has been for so long, it is all I ever wanted to be. Now as I move onto a new phase in my life, I guess I am realizing that being a mom is not determined by how much laundry you do a week or how many meals you eat together, it’s just being there for them, for the rest of their lives. As they grow up that may take on a different look now and again but in a lot of ways it will just happen on its own. Because that is the way God has designed us as parents. It’s natural. We are here just to enjoy the ride!
My prayer for you this summer is that you enjoy the time with your family, however that may look. Enjoy the time to build relationships. I promise you it will be time not wasted.
Blessings,
Krista Smith
The Big D
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